Game Change

After a lot of thought, discussion between the two of us, and a discussion with our Bradley instructor, I think we are going to seek the care of a Certified Nurse Midwife at one of the two hospitals in the area who allow midwives privileges.
I am just so unconvinced that my doctors are being truthful, and I don't want to end up on my back, doing battle to let my body do its thing. I don't think a birthing room should be a battle ground and from everything I've heard from my doctors, I am going to have to make it one to get what I want. I just want to focus on my body, what it is doing, what its made to do. I am so grateful that even though he doesn't understand why this is so important to me, he is so supportive!

I'm not looking forward to fighting with insurance to switch, but I'd rather fight with insurance now than fight with a doctor while in labor. I'm slightly scared, but I know I'm doing what's going to be best for us.

 I guess I never understood the gravity of Jeb's birth experience until last night. I couldn't understand why our OB was so surprised that he was okay after delivery, and why she found it hard to believe me when the pediatrician said he was perfect. The OB never verbalized it, but our Bradley instructor, who's also a Doula said she has seen births where the cord washes down, and that we were literally a breath and a prayer away from Jeb having CP and having a lawsuit against the practice. God is good for  giving us an amazing little boy. Thank you, Lord!

In my own head

I've gotten into my own head lately, or maybe I've let my Bradley teacher get into my head, but at the moment, I feel very pessimistic about my VBAC and like my doctors might be setting me up to fail. They keep telling me that due to the circumstances of J's birth, I'm a perfect candidate, but the more I ask questions, the more I feel like I'm being given some lip service. Hubs and I discussed this tonight. I wish I wasn't such a wuss. He says we'll speak with the doctor about it at my next appointment and if we don't get the answers or reassurance we want, we'll start looking for a new practitioner. I'm just so nervous this late in the game. I'm already at every two week appointments. I don't even know if a different practitioner would take me on at this point. I think I just need to find some good stories about successful, natural, hospital VBACs. Right now all I hear is "how aggressively is care managed" and I think back to how I felt so out of control when I went past my due date with J, or "what about continuous fetal monitoring" and being told that it was going to happen, so now I have to take the ACOG (American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology) recommendations on VBAC in and sign away my life pretty much, telling them I'm not going to sue if my uterus ruptures while I'm not strapped to a bed with that stupid belt attached to me. It's almost to the end of what might be my last pregnancy, and I feel like I should be enjoying it, if only I could get out of my own head and start thinking positive thoughts. Like my Bradley teacher says, "you need to think positive, open and downward moving thoughts."

Your ignorance has really hurt me

A "friend" posted this on facebook after the Supreme Court decision about the Affordable Healthcare Act was passed down this morning.
"I guess I will now be paying for your food, your booze and your insurance!!! Gotta love America!!"

I typically don't like to discuss things like this. I would rather not know my friends political views, because most of the time I just end up disgusted. I do have to say, this statement deeply offended me, and here's why.

When my husband was in seminary, I took a job with a small company. It employed so few people, that by law, it wasn't required to provide healthcare to its employees. It was a profitable business that could have afforded to provide healthcare for its few full time employees, but the owner was greedy and was more than happy to line his pockets with extra cash at the expense of his workers health. The man had a million dollar home in town, he and his wife drove luxury vehicles, and there was a large tract of land for hunting in a different state that was maintained year round for a few weekends of deer season. After our basic needs were met, there wasn't any money left over, not even for catastrophic health insurance which is around $65 a month. I really could have benefited from the Affordable Healthcare Act. I worked hard, I was paid above minimum wage, but I still couldn't afford even the cheapest of health care. It hurts that people are so blind that they don't realize how blessed they are and how serious a need this type of legislation is. I am grateful every day for the fact that I was never seriously ill while my husband was in seminary. The loans we would have had to take to pay for healthcare expenses would have financially bankrupted our future.

I also take great offense to the implication that all people on welfare are no good drunks. I have a very dear friend who was on welfare for a while. She was a young mother.

Luna Pads at Retro Housewife Goes Green

I know I don't blog nearly as much as I should, and this is going to totally be out of the blue, but Retro Housewife Goes Green is offering a great giveaway and a fun review of Luna Pads. The new prints are so cute, and the $50 gift certificate could really help defray the cost of a postpartum LunaPad kit that I've been coveting. Head on over here to read the review and get in on the giveaway. You could really save a bundle just by investing in some LunaPads, not to mention, void your body of unneeded chemical exposure, and keep our earth beautiful.

Working down the list

We've been in full swing getting Christmas stuff done. In the past few days, we've wrapped presents, baked cut-outs (not your typical sugar cookie cut-outs), we made a paper plate wreath with tissue paper berries and bow, I baked some salt dough ornaments that we're decorating with thumb print snowmen today, and I finished replacing the felt ornaments for our Christmas tree advent calendar. We're getting ready for Nana to arrive too. I'm so excited for her to see how much Jeb has changed even since September. She is really going to enjoy her visit with him. I still have wrapping and some shopping to finish. 

Here are just a few pictures from our Very Toddler Christmas.

No mantle, no problem, use a tension rod in a door frame. We don't use our front door much so this was a good place to put it.

This is our Toddler proof Christmas tree, 4 ft. tree, sitting atop a milk crate on top of our TV cabinet. Pretty nativity underneath was a gift from Nana, either last year, or the year before.

Just a little peek in. More pictures sometime later I'm sure.

Now for a diversion from the holiday vein. Do you use cloth wipes? I don't, but I'm curious. I've popped over to Letters from Momma to read about her review of Thirsties brand cloth wipes, and to enter her give away. If you use them and would like to add to your collection, or if you're cloth wipe curious like me, swing on by. If you do use cloth wipes, let me in on what your favorites are, and why.

Santa Photo and "The Elf" debate

Jeb is actually taking a nap that is longer than an hour. I probably just jinxed myself and will hear screaming over the monitor shortly.

Hubs and I were at the local mall last night and strolled past the Santa "throne" a few times. Last year, going to the big mall in Pbgh and getting a picture with the "good" Santa were high priority on our list. There was going to be no cheesy, fake-bearded Santa for my baby's first photo with the big man in the red suit. The local mall was not even in the running for a Santa photo. A 45 minute drive, $25, and 7 prints later, we had the first Santa picture. It is cute, our dazed looking little man atop the jolly, old elf's lap, looking straight at the camera in his cutest Christmas romper. It was a big deal. As we walked by at our local mall, there he was, the classic, red suited Santa (with real whiskers). We discussed it a little bit, and looked at the package prices, and decided that our little guy was going to meet Santa again this year. DH's quote was "now we just have to figure out what he's going to wear." We've decided that for at least the next 7 years (hopefully more, but the wonder and magic fade so quickly these days) this will be a memento we can look at and cherish for years to come. I'm glad. Before our son, DH was pretty anti-Santa, Easter Bunny etc. Somehow, being a pastor affected the way he thought of the charming characters and he was of the opinion that they tainted these religious holidays. I think I've been able to demonstrate with Jeb, how you can have Santa, and still teach about Jesus. I've been instilling in Josiah that the Nativity (baby Jesus, who he calls "eesus") is under the tree because it is the BEST GIFT EVER. I hope it will continue to be a tradition, placing a creche under the tree and teaching him and future kiddos why we do that. I admit, the Easter Bunny will be a bit more challenging, and we did not visit him last year.

Now, about this Elf...
I admit it, I want to be one of those over achiever moms who makes fantastic scenes for Elf on the Shelf. It looks like a lot of fun, and to be completely truthful, I have a love of most everything vintage in appearance that most of society would consider ugly (hello, fabulous 3 ft tall, blue, footed vase that was an anniversary gift to my grandparents and now lives with me). I think the idea is cute. I know Jeb won't get it this year, but perhaps next. I wonder though, will this interfere with the religious emphasis on Christmas as he gets older? True, as a pastor's kid, he will be churched to the max, but will he run out to find out where the elf is instead of running out to open the next door on the religious advent calendar, or sit to do devotions as a family as we've been doing this year. I'm on the fence about "the elf." Should the emphasis at this time of year be that Santa and his helpers are watching, or should it be that God is always watching? Also, this elf helper might interfere with the PA German tradition of the Belsnickel, who was sent to punish the naughty children by leaving switches and/or coal in their stockings. Some traditions even have him scatter candy on the floor and as children are scrambling, Belsnickel switches them for the things they haven't done yet, or the things they've done but not been caught for. My dad was terrified of Belsnickel, and there is a story told of him running from the Belsnickel, once upon a time. I want to preserve this dying character in my heritage and have been trying to convince my older brother to play Belsnickel for a while now. Maybe I should work on my younger brother, as he's not so fond of kids and might enjoy the role. In any event, I am undecided about the whole elf thing, although I crave being one of those moms who does the elaborate elf staging each night, and seeing the look on the kid's face when they discover what he or she has been up to.

Christmas time

I haven't blogged in soooooo long, but Jeb is doing so much more than he used to, it is amazing to just take it all in and play with him instead of observing while he does things independently. I don't want to pull myself away to tap tap about what he is up to. I'm so thoroughly enjoying him at 16 (almost 17) months.

So, Christmas is just around the corner, and this time last year, I was just about to  be admitted to the hospital, although I didn't know it yet. Having pancreatitis and having my gall bladder removed certainly made for an interesting Christmas, although it was far from what I'd dreamed Jeb's first Christmas would be like. This year, we've been able to do more already. We've put up two small, toddler proof trees, one that I hope to relocate to the guest bedroom eventually. We are opening an advent calendar every day, and using the hub's old felt one his godmother made for him as well (its more secular). Jeb and I have Christmas music dance parties most days in the living room, and he has even "helped" me bake a batch of spritz cookies or two. This year, I put up some white lights on the light post, and although I had planned to hang greens that we trimmed of the pines in the back yard on the front of the house, that hasn't happened yet. I can't get free time and a nice day coupled together. I love this time of year so much, the beauty, the joy, the tradition, the family and friends. The miracle of a baby sent to save the world. It is all so amazing!

We are so looking forward to our trip back east this year. We live three hundred miles from the majority of our friends and family, so as soon as church is over on Christmas day, we will hop in the car and begin the journey to eastern PA for a blissful two week excursion. It is a little chaotic, we live out of bags, carefully plan who's family gatherings are what days and try to pack in as much visiting as possible over such a short amount of time it kind of makes your head spin just thinking about it. We will have Adams Family Christmas, Reimer Family Christmas, Coates Family Christmas, a New Year's Eve party with our camp friends (and a Nana to babysit Jeb so mom and dad can have adult time this year!!!) and other visits to various friends and re-visits to family along the way. It will be fantastic, although, I do wish we were closer to home, and could start establishing traditions that didn't involve traveling three hundred miles on Christmas day and then living out of suitcases for two subsequent weeks.  That day will come, for now we just have to take what we've got.

The spirit of the season has infected me and today, I'm hoping we'll get a bunch of the shopping checked off. I'd like to bake about a hundred cut out cookies like my dad and his mom before him used to make. I might get a batch of thumb prints done in there too. DIY Christmas gifts for adult Reimers also need to be baked, mixed and frozen for cross-state transit. Most people would look at this list and grumble, I feel blessed that I'm able to find the time this year to tackle it, and give of myself.

Peace, joy and love to you this season!