Working down the list

We've been in full swing getting Christmas stuff done. In the past few days, we've wrapped presents, baked cut-outs (not your typical sugar cookie cut-outs), we made a paper plate wreath with tissue paper berries and bow, I baked some salt dough ornaments that we're decorating with thumb print snowmen today, and I finished replacing the felt ornaments for our Christmas tree advent calendar. We're getting ready for Nana to arrive too. I'm so excited for her to see how much Jeb has changed even since September. She is really going to enjoy her visit with him. I still have wrapping and some shopping to finish. 

Here are just a few pictures from our Very Toddler Christmas.

No mantle, no problem, use a tension rod in a door frame. We don't use our front door much so this was a good place to put it.

This is our Toddler proof Christmas tree, 4 ft. tree, sitting atop a milk crate on top of our TV cabinet. Pretty nativity underneath was a gift from Nana, either last year, or the year before.

Just a little peek in. More pictures sometime later I'm sure.

Now for a diversion from the holiday vein. Do you use cloth wipes? I don't, but I'm curious. I've popped over to Letters from Momma to read about her review of Thirsties brand cloth wipes, and to enter her give away. If you use them and would like to add to your collection, or if you're cloth wipe curious like me, swing on by. If you do use cloth wipes, let me in on what your favorites are, and why.

Santa Photo and "The Elf" debate

Jeb is actually taking a nap that is longer than an hour. I probably just jinxed myself and will hear screaming over the monitor shortly.

Hubs and I were at the local mall last night and strolled past the Santa "throne" a few times. Last year, going to the big mall in Pbgh and getting a picture with the "good" Santa were high priority on our list. There was going to be no cheesy, fake-bearded Santa for my baby's first photo with the big man in the red suit. The local mall was not even in the running for a Santa photo. A 45 minute drive, $25, and 7 prints later, we had the first Santa picture. It is cute, our dazed looking little man atop the jolly, old elf's lap, looking straight at the camera in his cutest Christmas romper. It was a big deal. As we walked by at our local mall, there he was, the classic, red suited Santa (with real whiskers). We discussed it a little bit, and looked at the package prices, and decided that our little guy was going to meet Santa again this year. DH's quote was "now we just have to figure out what he's going to wear." We've decided that for at least the next 7 years (hopefully more, but the wonder and magic fade so quickly these days) this will be a memento we can look at and cherish for years to come. I'm glad. Before our son, DH was pretty anti-Santa, Easter Bunny etc. Somehow, being a pastor affected the way he thought of the charming characters and he was of the opinion that they tainted these religious holidays. I think I've been able to demonstrate with Jeb, how you can have Santa, and still teach about Jesus. I've been instilling in Josiah that the Nativity (baby Jesus, who he calls "eesus") is under the tree because it is the BEST GIFT EVER. I hope it will continue to be a tradition, placing a creche under the tree and teaching him and future kiddos why we do that. I admit, the Easter Bunny will be a bit more challenging, and we did not visit him last year.

Now, about this Elf...
I admit it, I want to be one of those over achiever moms who makes fantastic scenes for Elf on the Shelf. It looks like a lot of fun, and to be completely truthful, I have a love of most everything vintage in appearance that most of society would consider ugly (hello, fabulous 3 ft tall, blue, footed vase that was an anniversary gift to my grandparents and now lives with me). I think the idea is cute. I know Jeb won't get it this year, but perhaps next. I wonder though, will this interfere with the religious emphasis on Christmas as he gets older? True, as a pastor's kid, he will be churched to the max, but will he run out to find out where the elf is instead of running out to open the next door on the religious advent calendar, or sit to do devotions as a family as we've been doing this year. I'm on the fence about "the elf." Should the emphasis at this time of year be that Santa and his helpers are watching, or should it be that God is always watching? Also, this elf helper might interfere with the PA German tradition of the Belsnickel, who was sent to punish the naughty children by leaving switches and/or coal in their stockings. Some traditions even have him scatter candy on the floor and as children are scrambling, Belsnickel switches them for the things they haven't done yet, or the things they've done but not been caught for. My dad was terrified of Belsnickel, and there is a story told of him running from the Belsnickel, once upon a time. I want to preserve this dying character in my heritage and have been trying to convince my older brother to play Belsnickel for a while now. Maybe I should work on my younger brother, as he's not so fond of kids and might enjoy the role. In any event, I am undecided about the whole elf thing, although I crave being one of those moms who does the elaborate elf staging each night, and seeing the look on the kid's face when they discover what he or she has been up to.

Christmas time

I haven't blogged in soooooo long, but Jeb is doing so much more than he used to, it is amazing to just take it all in and play with him instead of observing while he does things independently. I don't want to pull myself away to tap tap about what he is up to. I'm so thoroughly enjoying him at 16 (almost 17) months.

So, Christmas is just around the corner, and this time last year, I was just about to  be admitted to the hospital, although I didn't know it yet. Having pancreatitis and having my gall bladder removed certainly made for an interesting Christmas, although it was far from what I'd dreamed Jeb's first Christmas would be like. This year, we've been able to do more already. We've put up two small, toddler proof trees, one that I hope to relocate to the guest bedroom eventually. We are opening an advent calendar every day, and using the hub's old felt one his godmother made for him as well (its more secular). Jeb and I have Christmas music dance parties most days in the living room, and he has even "helped" me bake a batch of spritz cookies or two. This year, I put up some white lights on the light post, and although I had planned to hang greens that we trimmed of the pines in the back yard on the front of the house, that hasn't happened yet. I can't get free time and a nice day coupled together. I love this time of year so much, the beauty, the joy, the tradition, the family and friends. The miracle of a baby sent to save the world. It is all so amazing!

We are so looking forward to our trip back east this year. We live three hundred miles from the majority of our friends and family, so as soon as church is over on Christmas day, we will hop in the car and begin the journey to eastern PA for a blissful two week excursion. It is a little chaotic, we live out of bags, carefully plan who's family gatherings are what days and try to pack in as much visiting as possible over such a short amount of time it kind of makes your head spin just thinking about it. We will have Adams Family Christmas, Reimer Family Christmas, Coates Family Christmas, a New Year's Eve party with our camp friends (and a Nana to babysit Jeb so mom and dad can have adult time this year!!!) and other visits to various friends and re-visits to family along the way. It will be fantastic, although, I do wish we were closer to home, and could start establishing traditions that didn't involve traveling three hundred miles on Christmas day and then living out of suitcases for two subsequent weeks.  That day will come, for now we just have to take what we've got.

The spirit of the season has infected me and today, I'm hoping we'll get a bunch of the shopping checked off. I'd like to bake about a hundred cut out cookies like my dad and his mom before him used to make. I might get a batch of thumb prints done in there too. DIY Christmas gifts for adult Reimers also need to be baked, mixed and frozen for cross-state transit. Most people would look at this list and grumble, I feel blessed that I'm able to find the time this year to tackle it, and give of myself.

Peace, joy and love to you this season!

Out and About

My parents are in town, and they are not the type of people who like to just sit around and do nothing, thankfully. Also, thankfully, we are not very far from one of Parent's Magazine's top 10 cities for babies which means there is great stuff to do within an hour of our house. Today we checked out the Children's Museum for the first time, and I have to say, I'm impressed. Jeb LOVED it. Not like rode in the stroller and didn't fuss while he looked around loved it, but on the floor, running from thing to thing, playing all through his normal afternoon nap time loved it. I think this might be the best place we've visited since we lived here. I loved that there was a mock up of Mr. Rodger's Studio, and we got to see some of the original puppets. It brought back fond memories of my childhood. Its nice to be able to share that with my little guy. I would certainly recommend it.

He really loved this Daniel Tiger puppet.

We were able to feed my addiction for souvenir pennies on our trip. I picked the one that featured the trolley to the Neighborhood of Make Believe. There is a website that lists locations of machines and I think I might have to start a check list.

We also spent time in the Strip District just wandering some of the shops. I love it, but I honestly think I favor going there during busy holiday times (Christmas Eve day was a fun visit) and I definitely favor baby wearing. This is the second time we've navigated with the stroller, and it was difficult, even on a not so crowded day.

The rest of the week should be pretty low key. The folks are leaving tomorrow, and the weather isn't looking to promising with Hurricane Irene looming. I have mountains of laundry to catch up on, so it should be okay to just hang out inside.

Silent Sunday

Blogging love

So I haven't really been giving the blogging thing a whole lotta love at all. I'm going to try to be more diligent in posting things. I mean I have time to whine about my situation, time to pin all sorts of visual goodies on Pintrest, time to just sit around and mope, etc. So I think I need to make time to blog more often. I find it therapeutic. I enjoy spewing text on pages. I hope I'll meet some nice folks if I keep it up. After all, wasn't I just whining about how hard it is for me to meet people?

I think maybe starting out with some good standards might be an appropriate jumping off point, and yeah I'm straying from my focus that I'd decided on, but attaining a VBAC, or even being pregnant at this point are so far out of reach, that I might as well write whatever the heck I choose. This is MY blog after all.


I'm taking a queue from this blog and I'm going to start doing Silent Sundays. A picture without words, just to be posting more often. I think it has the potential to be a lovely thing and a nice way to capture some memories.

As Jeb gets older I'm hoping I'll be able to doMuffin Tin Monday as well. He's just a little too young right now to appreciate the work that goes into being a muffin tin tot.

So there it is. I also have some subjects that I want to cover in the blog, I just have to get around to it.
Sooner, rather than later. I hope.

CDing, and a giveaway.

So, I've mentioned that I'm a little crunchy, right? Well, one of my favorite things that has greened my life is using cloth diapers on Jeb. I don't know how we would afford to cover his bottom otherwise.

My hands down favorite diaper is SmartiPants. It makes up the majority of our stash (by majority, I mean we only have three other diapers that we use that are not Smartis).  I love that they're affordable! I love that they will fit Jeb from the time we started CDing at 3 months until the time he is using the potty full time. I love that they're holding up so well they'll be good for the next bambino whenever he or she decides to come along. Naturally, with all the Smarti love in the air, when I saw this giveaway on Letters from Momma, I knew I had to get in the game. She is offering the chance to win one SmartiPants in the color of your choice. I need some Hot Chocolate love for my baby's bum, so I've completed all of the generous opportunities to enter  on her website. You should too!

Many thanks to Letters from Momma for this giveaway!


Just to be clear, I've not been sponsored by SmartiPants or Letters from Momma for the content offered within this, or any blog post.

It's August

Where on earth has this summer gone. We've spent a lot of time in the car in the past two weeks or so, and are finally back in our own place, catching up on yard work and enjoying time spent in a normal routine. I never realized how much of a routine junkie I've become. Travel has really messed with it and I had been left craving the house, the house work, the yard work, and  some good old normalcy.

We spent a week at my parents house in SEPA preparing for and celebrating the little guy's first birthday party. Wednesday to Wednesday. We got to see our families, hang out with some friends and enjoy the benefits of being less than 300 miles away from everyone we care about for a while. Josiah's party went off really well.  It was hot, but there was a little kiddy pool and the breeze that came through the pavilion we used was a real blessing. A big thank you to all of our parents for renting the pavilion, bringing food, fans, decorating, baking and all of that good stuff. Thank you to Erin, of Open Shutter Photography for taking all of the pictures I've seen so far. I didn't take a single shot. I was determined to enjoy my day.

 Here is the birthday boy enjoying his caterpillar on his caterpillar quilt.

Not too much planned for the rest of the month. We have house guests possibly coming during the ides of August and then again 10 days later. We shall see. There's been a lot of injury going around, so I don't know if everyone expected will make it out.

I had set a goal to lose 30 lb. by September, but I don't think that is going to happen despite being quite a bit more active  lately. I'm still holding on at 10 pounds less than my pre-pregnancy weight. I am frustrated, and know I need to change more about my lifestyle, but I'm not sure how. I found some simple exercise plans on pintrest that I think I can do, they just don't seem like enough. Oh well, there are three levels, I can tackle level one and see how things have gone.

I know I have diverged a little bit from what I'd envisioned this blog being about, however, I feel the need to let the words spill from my fingers and brain and lay where they fall. I'll be trying to blog more and update my progress more accurately in the near future.

I am

I am one of those people who can't sit still. I am one of those people who's mind is running a million miles a minute with what should be done and what has to get done and what can be done. I am one of those people that has about a zillion projects going at one time- no really, about a zillion. However, all of this energy is rarely used to see anything through to completion. I would love to have one of those cute cozy blogger mom houses with the little touches of home made this and that that look oh so cute and chic and crafty, but in reality, my house is a disaster zone because I'm so busy thinking about the next project and keeping up with my two guys and all of our activities to actually get ahead of anything. Or almost anything.

Because we're running into a deadline, and I want this party to go off without a hitch, I've been listing and relisting and checking offf and crafting my (not so) little butt off for our son's first birthday party. We're doing one of those "oh so cute, look at all the fabulous decorations and other this and that" theme parties that you see on the blogs. I don't know if I'm setting myself up to feel like a failure, but I hope this party looks as good all set up as I see it in my head. I've been planning for about 6 months. We'll have to see how it turns out.

Maybe after this party is out of the way I can focus on tidying  all of my this and that and putting together some semblance of a cute, chic, crafty little house (or at least corner of) to enjoy.

Epic failure

So I have totally done nothing to accomplish any one item on my checklist. Okay, I've done one thing, I charted my first cycle on my trusty calendar. Other than that, I have done zilch. Well, maybe I've also brought more produce into the house, and have made a pretty good attempt at making sure it doesn't end up on the compost pile. Aside from that, nothing. I've looked into Zumba, I've contemplated jogging 3 times a week, I've even thought about playing in the adult sand volleyball league that is local. What I have not done is anything remotely physical. I have plenty of options, I just don't do it. I don't know why it is so hard for me to do the exercise I know I need in order to lose weight. I don't get it. I think it breaks down to the fact that I have some sort of dysmorphic thing when it comes to my image. I don't really see myself as large as I truly am when I look in the mirror and that is a problem. When I was thin, I thought I was fat. Also a problem. I need to get moving. I need to get moving. I NEED TO GET MOVING!

The To-Do List

Now that I know what I want to do, I have to make a check list of all the things I want to accomplish to make my chances of having a VBAC much better. I haven't done a ton of research, or talked to my current OB/GYN about this, I don't intend for anyone else to think these are things that people MUST do in order to have a VBAC, these are just things that I feel I need to do.

1. Lose about 80 pounds and keep it off.
2. Become physically fit.
3. Chart my cycles and fertility signs to find out peak fertility times.
4. Talk to current OB/GYN or new OB/GYN about  having VBAC
5. Achieve conception.
6. Take Bradley Classes
7. Investigate birthing coach options
8. Have a baby!

So, this doesn't seem like much to tackle. People have overcome much more, right? Well, where to start. I NEED to lose weight. Not just to have a VBAC, but because I've been gaining weight since high school and have been overweight since I was a freshman in college. Diabetes and heart disease run in my family, so I need to lose weight. I want to be able to keep up with Josiah and be a good role model to him, so the first two items on my list are essential. Problem: I LOVE food! I love it and worse than that, my favorite foods are some of the worst ones for a person. I have no sense of portion control and balance in my diet. I make the meals, so I need to change this, but I love food. It's a vicious cycle. On top of that, I live with a LAZY man. I love my husband to death, but he is the epitome of laziness. He talks a good game, but when it comes to doing things to change our lifestyle together, he has 8 bazillion reasons why we can't do this and he's too tired to do that. Le sigh. So I need to change, I just don't know how. This is the first leg of my journey.

A focus

So I felt called to start blogging.  I didn't really have a focus and there are literally a zillion mommy blogs covering the day to day adventures of the stay at home mom. So why should anyone read my blog versus all the other blogs out there. What would draw anyone in? Would this just be an outlet for me or would I be using my gifts to do something that might help other people as well? Something I really want, and was shocked that a lot of the moms I've come in contact with have not wanted is a VBAC. I had a cesarean section and didn't want one. I'm certainly thankful for the outcome, my healthy little boy, but I can't help feeling a little disappointed in my birth experience. I want to feel labor. I want to know what a contraction feels like, and I want to hear my next baby's first cry, I want to be able to hold him/her right away. I've decided that I'm going to do whatever it takes to get the most organic birth experience I can.

This may seem a bit off base not knowing my birth story for my son. I'll give an abridged version of how things went. I could probably write a book about it.

I had moved and selected an OBGYN out of the yellow pages. Since I was a new patient and didn't have a regular doctor at the practice, it was the luck of the draw who I'd see, and most of the the time it was the nurse practitioner. I had a great pregnancy, as far as I knew and what I was told.  The nurse practitioner gave me an ultrasound at 38 weeks because I felt "packed full of baby," and the next week, one of the doctors ordered another one to check size and weight. Again, no one said anything about what I came to discover from the doctor who delivered my baby was high fluid. Anyway, my due date came and went. Without asking me what my preference was, the Nurse Practitioner scheduled me for p-gel to help "nudge" labor along. Nothing happened. At the start of my 41st week, I was scheduled for induction. I was ready to meet my baby boy. I was hooked up to pitocen for a few hours when the doctor decided to break my water. I don't know why, I wasn't feeling contractions, I wasn't progressing as far as I could  tell. They broke my water. My son's heart beat was lost on the moniter. They decided to prep the OR and get me down there. They said they would stop and I could labor if the heart rate came back up. It didn't and while I was moving to the stretcher to get to the OR, the cord prolapsed. I was knocked out and my son, Josiah, was born at 10:47 am on July 19th, 2010. My water was broken at 10:18. It was fast. I  apparently didn't wake very pleasantly  from being knocked out. I ripped out my IV and at one point 5 nurses had to hold me down. When I finally woke up, one of the first things I told my husband was "I feel everything." Restarting my IV delayed pain medication. I couldn't remember why I was in the hospital. He had to tell me the baby was born. I didn't get to meet my son until after 1 pm. It wasn't what I dreamed of when we found out we were pregnant. I am still disappointed in my experience, although, I am very grateful for the outcome. Almost 8 months later, as my belly is shrinking, I still get pains where my scar is. Sometimes it is sore and bruised from wearing  jeans. It is what it is, but I don't know why anyone would want to do it again.  Maybe that's just me.

So, my focus is attaining a VBAC. I'll have more to say another time, but for now that's it. I'll leave you with this poem. It has been a source of comfort to me since I had my son.


My Cesarean Poem

I had a cesarean
I didn't want one
I wanted a baby
All wet and messy
Plopped onto my bare chest
To comfort in his first moment
By the stroke of my hand
And a nuzzle at my breast

 
I had a cesarean
All betadine and beeping machines
And anonymous blue masks
Seeing my insides
And me- numb to my toes
With no feeling

 
Except heartbreak

 
My plans
And my dreams
Were betrayed
By the orange label
Attached to my chart
Code for "high risk"

 
I didn't feel high risk
I hated that label

 
Who are these people
Did you start?
I'm here!  I'm here!  Why is
No one talking to me?
I hear my baby cry, my baby cry
But can't see MY BABY
My baby, my baby, someone bring me
My baby
No answers
No explanation
I am alone
Except for the blue masks
Putting my insides back in.

 
He was brought to me
Already clean and wrapped
And frantic
I couldn't even hold him
I'm sure it is not what he expected
Either.

 
Then the blood
Then the pain
My belly no longer full of baby
Grew distended with air

 
"It doesn't matter now"  woman #1 said
"I had three cesareans, they are no big deal" bitch #2 said
"Your sister sprang right back"  my mother said
(My sister was 19)

 
I have flashbacks
Like a war vet
And a sadness that
No one wants to hear about
And pain.

 
It does matter
It is a big deal
It is a mourning
I had a cesarean
I didn't want one.

 
                   -Barbara Stratton
                    Mom to Charlie born 1999 by cesarean section