In my own head

I've gotten into my own head lately, or maybe I've let my Bradley teacher get into my head, but at the moment, I feel very pessimistic about my VBAC and like my doctors might be setting me up to fail. They keep telling me that due to the circumstances of J's birth, I'm a perfect candidate, but the more I ask questions, the more I feel like I'm being given some lip service. Hubs and I discussed this tonight. I wish I wasn't such a wuss. He says we'll speak with the doctor about it at my next appointment and if we don't get the answers or reassurance we want, we'll start looking for a new practitioner. I'm just so nervous this late in the game. I'm already at every two week appointments. I don't even know if a different practitioner would take me on at this point. I think I just need to find some good stories about successful, natural, hospital VBACs. Right now all I hear is "how aggressively is care managed" and I think back to how I felt so out of control when I went past my due date with J, or "what about continuous fetal monitoring" and being told that it was going to happen, so now I have to take the ACOG (American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology) recommendations on VBAC in and sign away my life pretty much, telling them I'm not going to sue if my uterus ruptures while I'm not strapped to a bed with that stupid belt attached to me. It's almost to the end of what might be my last pregnancy, and I feel like I should be enjoying it, if only I could get out of my own head and start thinking positive thoughts. Like my Bradley teacher says, "you need to think positive, open and downward moving thoughts."